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The Guy Who The Gods Like To Pick On, Sr.
The Guy Who The Gods Like To Pick On, Sr. was a poor sod who lived in Aison prior to the Great War in the Third Age. The gods...really liked to pick on him. He eventually relocated to Maar Sul and fathered a son and a daughter named Guy Jr. and Gal, respectively. According to seedy rumours, he might have also fathered an illegitimate child named Fred Nacht, which would explain the latter's bad luck. Biography Early Years For reasons unknown, The Guy Who The Gods Like To Pick On had bad luck ever since his birth which is why he was named such. He lived his early years in Aison, ending in a lot of accidents and hilarious (not for him) incidents which made him look like an utter fool with an embarrassing life. For one reason or another, though, he always survived in some miraculous manner...only to end up in yet another embarrassing and humiliating scene. He did manage to score with a couple of women albeit more out of pity than anything else, and usually every time he had sex ended awkwardly for him one way or another although he never told the exact details to anyone. It was rumoured he might've been the father of Fred Nacht, a mischievious boy who kept stealing stuff from people, but he denied such rumours vehemently. He did, however, have two legitimate children named Gal and Guy Jr.. In order to support his family, Guy worked in several low-pay jobs throughout Aison. Because of his accident-prone and humiliating life, Guy's sanity cracked from time to time, which led him to suicidal thoughts. Distreyd Era Delivering Manure It was such a fine day that the Guy Who The Gods Like To Pick On wondered when it would be screwed up. He'd found a job! All he had to do was deliver 100 loads of manure from a farmer's field outside of Reno to a processing plant in the city, and the pay was terrific. With his first cart, the Guy approached the city gates. "'Sup, guard," said the Guy. "'Sup Guy," said the guard. "What can I do you for today?" "I got these hundred loads of shit to carry in today," said the Guy. "Oh, buuurn," said the guard. "You do know that today is mandatory cavity search day, right? Security's been up since the attack on Lord Kagawest." The Guy groaned. Of course something would go wrong. He put his hands against the castle wall and squeezed his eyes shut, wincing when he heard the latex glove being snapped onto the guard's hand. He gritted his teeth and endured the body cavity search, and then hitched his trousers back up as the guard waved him in. "Er...hey, wait," said the Guy. "'Sup, Guy?" asked the guard. "Aren't you going to write down that I passed somewhere? You know, for all the other times I'm going to have to go through the gate today? I got a hundred loads of shit here, that's 99 more times in and 100 more times out!" "Sorry, Guy," said the guard, "It's Mandatory Cavity Search Day. We've got to check everybody, coming in and going out, even if we know them." "But...but..." stammered the Guy. "Hey," said the guard, "I don't make the rules, I just gotta enforce 'em. Sorry, Guy." The Guy waddled into the city. He'd known something would spoil his birthday. At least he wasn't in Yamato, though. Attempted Suicide The Guy Who The Gods Like To Pick On carried his prize home. He'd spent his whole paycheque on it, but he wanted to make sure that it was quality stuff. He couldn't have it break on him. Carefully, lovingly, he tied the noose. Standing on a makeshift stool, he securely tied it to a stout branch on an oak tree and pulled it tightly around his neck. With a manic grin, he then kicked the stool away as hard as he could. SNAP! The rope split like twine, dumping the Guy on his ass. "This was supposed to be the strongest rope in the Kingdom!" he whined. And now he had no money. Fuck! New Plans The penniless Guy was frustrated that he couldn't end his life and the gods kept picking on him. He grew frustrated on being the butt of jokes around Aison due to his bad luck, so he chose to seek his fortunes elsewhere and took his family with him to Maar Sul. Disaster followed him there, too, because Yamato invaded the kingdom soon after. Guy and his family survived the dreaded invasion years and the Struan Rebellion, however, although Guy did end up in several embarrassing scenes. When the Grand Alliance arrived in Maar Sul and liberated it from Yamato in the Great War, the Alliance's heroics inspired Guy so much that he decided to enlist his children to SAVAGE, Maar Sul's elite military corps, hoping that they could make their family prosper. In the years following the Cataclysm, Guy's children did manage to get to good enough positions within SAVAGE but not without a cost: they too had inherited their father's bad luck although at least it hadn't cost them their job...yet. Some rumours even claimed the children had only gotten into SAVAGE due to the sympathy the Directors of SAVAGE felt for Guy's unlucky family, but Guy believed they had succeeded because of their strength of character and will. Guy and his family lived in Maar Sul City since then, still ending up as the butts of jokes from time to time, but they only chose to continue living their lives one day at a time while cursing the gods every now and then for their occasional misfortunes. Godslayer Era Aliases and Nicknames ; Guy : What most people call him. Appearance A shmuck with sideburns. Personality and Traits Annoyed, prone to suicidal thoughts from time to time. Hates being the butt of jokes. Dislikes gods who he believes have made his life one of constant embarrassment. Powers and Abilities Is able to get into the most humiliating and embarrassing scenes out there. Isn't able to kill himself no matter how many times he's tried. Relationships Gal Guy cares for his daughter Gal although he laments the fact that she has inherited his bad luck. Guy Jr. Guy cares for his son Guy Jr. although he lamentes the fact that he has inherited his bad luck. See also *Fred Nacht *The Gal Who The Gods Like To Pick On *The Guy Who The Gods Like To Pick On, Jr. Category:Aison Category:Characters Category:Grand Alliance Category:Humans Category:Maar Sul (faction) Category:Third Age